Watch Me as I Blame Everyone Else for Sirius’s Death
As the end of October approaches, we here at the Dirigible Plum cannot help feeling excited for Halloween.
However, a nod to the spooky season isn’t the only reason we find ourselves animated. Halloween itself is also the day to remember the Potters and the huge sacrifice they made. It is also – as our newest staff writer reminds us – the day Sirius Black lost everything.
Yes, Sirius. If you aren’t familiar with his story, then it basically goes as follows:
- Born into a pure-blood family, hated it.
- Went to school, met James Potter, and formed the Marauders with two others, loved it.
- Returned home each summer, hated it.
- Went back to school and was a bit of a berk, loved it.
- Left said family home to live with James, loved it.
- James got murdered, hated it.
- Found out it was one of the aforementioned Marauders, hated it.
- Got framed for the murder, hated it.
- Sentenced to the darkest of hell holes, hated it.
- Escaped, loved it briefly but lived on rats.
- Could not announce his innocence for some reason, hated it.
- Was on house arrest back in the family home he ran away from, hated it.
- Went out one time and got killed. Hated it.
You get the picture. It is a tragic life filled with moments of happiness but ending in a swirling, unfair pit of miscommunication, wrong accusations, and crippling depression.
I’m mad that he didn’t get a better deal. I think Gary Oldman correctly surmises my feelings about Sirius’s journey when he reportedly said, “This woman [J.K.] puts the poor bastard in prison for 12 years, brings him back for a few scenes, and then she kills him!”
I hear you, love, I hear you. So every Halloween, I cannot help but feel sad – for the Potters, yes, but also for Sirius. The sadness is then followed by an equal amount of anger for those responsible for his death. (Because Sirius himself, of course, is not responsible for his own choices or attitudes.)
Without further ado, here are the people (read: idiots) I hold responsible for Sirius’s death.
Bellatrix Lestrange – I blame her generally for sending that curse, causing Sirius to fall back into the veil. Bellatrix, you dick.
Albus Dumbledore – Mate, couldn’t you have used the Time-Turner to get Hermione and Harry to find Pettigrew instead? Of course not. That would be too straightforward and helpful.
Barty Crouch, Sr. – You absolute power-hungry crotch peasant. Give the man a trial. That’s a serious misuse of political power right there.
Harry Potter – Gawd, Harry and that ducking mirror issue. Sirius literally gave you the key to get in contact with him whenever you needed. A magic mirror. You basically had a phone you could have called him on instead of barging into Umbridge’s office and causing a superfluity of bad events.
Molly Weasley – She treated him like a kid, so in theory, he behaved like a kid.
Remus Lupin – Why didn’t you help your friend? At least stop him being bored on house arrest. Instead, you shagged his cousin. Nice.
Kreacher – Ooo, that little sh**head.
Buckbeak – Nothing, he’s a gem. Go Buckbeak.
James Potter – You are blamed for dying in the first place. This would never have happened otherwise.
Peter Pettigrew – *loud monotone screaming*
Seamus Finnigan – He probably did something. Let’s throw him on the list.
Crookshanks – He gets put on this list for being a terrible cat that’s unable to carry out a basic cat job – killing a rat.
Severus Snape – You goaded Sirius. Also, you knew Harry wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed and wouldn’t get that you were on top of it (re: his coded message to you in Umbridge’s room).
The Ministry of Magic – What kind of lax security is that? Letting 15-year-olds infiltrate in the middle of the night. Guest passes my a**! Who has guests at work past sundown unless it is unscrupulous business?
The veil room – Who is responsible for closing the door each day? That room should be locked up better.
Luna Lovegood – I feel bad for this, but Luna gets blamed for suggesting Thestrals to fly on, thereby giving a way of transportation to the Ministry.
Harry – Yes, he gets listed again for not listening to Hermione about shutting Voldemort out, thereby… I can’t. I can’t even say it again. Ahhh, Harry.
Lastly, Sirius Black – His reckless behavior, inability to plan/have foresight/generally think things through, or keep stable footing is in no way to blame for his own actions or choices.
There you have it. The complete list of people responsible for Sirius’s death. I honestly could have added in more, but my editor gave me a word limit, which – in hindsight – was a smart move.
Happy Halloween! Be safe on your trick or treating route when you dress up as Sirius Black. You are dressing up as him, right? What better way to pay homage to his tragic story than to be him for a night?
R.I.P. Sirius Black.