CC #343: Week of May 19, 2013

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Harry: So, are these drug dealers trying to take over the world?
Sheriff Owens: No, of course not.
Harry: *Sighs nostalgically* It’s not the same.
-Sam

Arnold: Okay, guys, let’s go over this one more time. Hermione, you take the left flank. Harry, you go down the middle and do your Expelliarmus thing. Ron, you – man, that is an awesome hat, where’d you’d get it?
Ron: Sunny Surplus.
Arnold: Cool. Can I get one?
Ron: Nah, man, it’s the only one they had.
Arnold: *Disappointed, but gathers himself* Okay, so, Ron. You take the right flank. Later, we’ll meet back at the rendezvous point.
Ron: Where are you going?
Arnold: *Sniggering* I’ll be back.
Hermione: Very funny, Arnold.
Arnold: Sorry, couldn’t help myself. I’ll be right behind you guys. Move out!
-Jeff P.

Arnold: ‘You have an immortal man trying to kill you? Wait right here… I’ll be back.’
-Perry

Schwarzenegger: I’ll answer any questions you have about my films.
Ron: How about Red Sonja?
Schwarzenegger: Uh, could you pick something else.
Ron: Batman & Robin?
Schwarzenegger: Red Sonja was directed by Richard Fleischer and starred me and Brigitte Nielsen…
-Sam

‘And that’s why you should never go into politics.’
-Kyle

Hermione: Look. Guys, let’s read Tales of Beedle the Bard. It might have some clues!
Arnold: Whoa, whoa, I was elected to lead, not to read.
-Jeana

Rupert: I’m Rupert Grint. You probably know me as either Ron Weasley or Super Clyde.
Daniel Radcliffe: For the last time, Rupert, that show wasn’t picked up.
Rupert: I AM SUPER CLYDE!
-Sam

Arnold: ‘I’ll help you with Voldemort only if you stop badgering me! For the last time, IT’S NOT A TUMOR!’
-Katy

Arnold: ‘So… he really doesn’t have a nose?’
-Megan

Sheriff Owens: I’m here to investigate a murder.
Ron: Whose murder?
Sheriff Owens: The muder of the Chudley Cannons by the Tutshill Tornados!
*Everyone but Ron laughs*
Ron: Come on; the Cannons didn’t actually play that badly this time!
-Sam

Most Aurors take months to train and aren’t all that effective. But those in-the-know will tell you that the best Aurors only need three weeks training in the California Police Department’s anti-zombie division before they’re ready for anything.
-Troi

‘Now I don’t care if you’re ‘The Boy Who Lived,’ you were speeding. Now you’re ‘The Boy Who Went to Jail.’
-Doctor’s Daughter

Ron: …and you’re sure you can’t arrest Percy for being a prat?
Sheriff Owens: Yes.
Harry: Oh well, it was worth a try, guys.
-Sam

Keep calm and Hasta la Vista, baby.
-Rachael E.

Sheriff Owens: Four years ago, they were everywhere. The Earth shook when they moved, there were so many. Now, where did they go? Why are there only a few left?
Hermione: I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t think you can count Twilight fans as an endangered species.
-Sam