50 Things Jamie Parker Could’ve Done While Sitting on the Delayed Train
Most of us have been there. After a long day at work, all you want to do is get home – and of course, the train is delayed. Sometimes it is only 10–20 minutes, or in the case of Jamie Parker (Harry Potter in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child), 3 hours and 22 minutes. If you aren’t a night owl or living in the United States, you likely missed his “remarkably restrained” tweets this evening.
We wanted to help Jamie out and give him some ideas for how he can spend his time should this happen again. Some are definitely more feasible than others…
- Sing the entire cast album of Hamilton (2:29)
- Watch the Lord of The Rings: Return of the King (with one minute of post-credit discussion)
- Binge watch 10 episodes of Bill Nye the Science Guy on Netflix
- Compete in a Great British Bake Off Showstopper challenge
- Get a coronary bypass
- Assemble an IKEA dresser
- Wash, dry, sort, and put away several loads of laundry
- Put on a full face of zombie makeup
- Change at least 100 diapers (practice makes perfect!)
- Get a minimum of 6 root canals
- Sing through 99 bottles of beer on the wall 5.25 times at 105 words per minute at a tempo of 150
- Research, perform, and write an “I did the HP Workout/HP Drinking Game and here how it turned out” article
- Read a 200–450-page book
- Inflate around 200 balloons
- Write a 2,500-word Harry Potter fan fiction story
- Ride Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey 3 times (assuming the average wait time)
- Play Ed Sheeren’s “Nancy Mulligan” or “Galway Girl” nearly 68 times
- Binge watch 9 episodes of Boy Meets World
- Dance through the entire Macarena song 47.5 times
- Switch to a train that is actually moving and get all the way to Paris
- Listen to the first six chapters of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – plus the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
- Knit an abundance of socks and hats for Dobby
- Fly from Chicago, Illinois to Los Angeles, California
- Run a 10K
- Paint your nails and allow them to dry fully
- Watch a US Presidential debate and then have time to stare at the wall wondering what this world has become
- Cook a 14 lb. turkey
- Learn how to speak Klingon (or Sindarin, your choice)
- Practice throat singing or yodeling
- Write a love story better than Twilight
- Sit a university exam in a medical/science course
- Capture an Erumpent with your BFFs Newt and Jacob at least 3 times (we are going to assume they got that whole thing accomplished in an hour)
- Take a tour of the S.S. Minnow
- Play an entire game of Monopoly (if you’re lucky…)
- Watch A Very Potter Senior Year in its entirety
- Lead the train in a performance of RENT
- Take 20 online quizzes to find out if you are a Samantha or a Carrie, are you more red wine or white wine, and if he’s really just not that into you
- Write and perform a one-person show
- Create an Excel Sheet to properly plan out a Disney vacation with flights, hotel packages, meals, and park tickets
- Bake a loaf of pain de mie
- Walk nearly 12 miles at a leisurely pace
- Paint a complete still life featuring a nude model named Brian who oddly reminds you of a teacher you once had
- Watch the “kids walk in on their dad’s BBC interview” 400 times
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3ktsl6_Rpg
- Complete a 300-piece puzzle
- Crawl under the seats and quietly tie passengers’ shoelaces together (to themselves, or their neighbor – your choice)
- Work on your Australian accent with never-used catch phrases like “shrimp on the barbie”
- Play “Flight of the Bumblebee” on the piano 166.5 times
- Watch all three Mythbusters Ducktape Specials and debate the probability of all of their builds
- Give birth (yeah, we know)
- Read this list 101 times
So.
Guess what?
I'm stuck on a train.
Going nowhere.
Finished the sandwich, crisps, nuts and one beer.
*cracks open next tinny*…— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
This is playing merry hell with my ennui.
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
Remember this exchange from The West Wing?
"It's like something out of Sartre."
"You mean Beckett."
" 'Hell is other people'?"
"Ok, Sartre."— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
You can't get The West Wing on U.K. Netflix. Sort it out, Existence.
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
I'm starting to imagine all these train seats are transfigured Slughorn commuters.
I have zero social capital at this point.
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
Oh, wow, we are actually still at Wimbledon. I've been on this train for over an hour.
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
I apologise in advance for the state of my mental health over the 2 show day tomorrow. I'm normally home 10 mins from now.
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
Ye know, what's weird is my routine is to get home and sit on the sofa with a few tinnies imagining I'm still on the train, so why complain?
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 11, 2017
This, meanwhile, simply floods my system with oxytocin pic.twitter.com/zS1aurCXYM
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
The guy on the tannoy just said "this train is now running two hours late" and I swear I heard him putting one in the chamber…
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
I am actually driving in tomorrow. This is both good and bad. See how life encapsulates both Yin *and* Yang?
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
Thanks, by the way, Twitter. I love you, you know that, right? You're always there. I know I haven't, ye know, much lately, but – *burps*
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
Fuck it shall we all just pull an all-nighter?
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
You've all gone to bed haven't you?#pff…#slackers
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
OK, it's me next stop. I have no expectations of actually reaching it. But if there were to be a next stop, mine would be it.
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
I am totally reneging on the all-nighter. Parker out. Sleep well everyone. You're silly. X
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017
PS Captain's Log: I got on the 21.45. It arrived at 01.07…
— Jamie Parker (@DickLeFenwick) March 12, 2017