Sorting “Star Trek: The Original Series” Characters into Their Hogwarts Houses

As Starfleet’s flagship, the Enterprise represents the best the galaxy has to offer. Her crew are competent and capable people: explorers, warriors, diplomats, and scholars of the highest caliber. They face terrifying foes unflinchingly, solve impossible problems daily, act as a loyal and harmonious crew, and do whatever it takes to make things right. And they’re all so darn sassy. Sorting Star Trek: The Original Series characters into Hogwarts Houses is a tall order, but let’s try our best.

 

Captain James T. Kirk – Gryffindor

 

 

Captain Kirk represents the 1960s ideal of a leader, a classic “don’t let them see you sweat” boss. He stands for truth and justice no matter the cost. There are certainly times when Kirk could have thought ahead before recklessly taking the plunge, but his decisive courage always works out for him in the end. Kirk is Gryffindor personified, boldly leading his crew where no man has gone before.

 

Commander Spock – Slytherin

 

 

Hear me out. Spock seems like an obvious Ravenclaw, right? But while Vulcan culture prizes knowledge, intelligence, and learning, Spock is too ambitious to stay on his home planet. In a move that his Vulcan acquaintances find reckless, selfish, and illogical, Spock joins Starfleet to forge his own path. Though Commander Spock cares deeply for his crewmates, he can also make sacrifices for the greater good. He’s not above using lies and manipulation to succeed. Spock plays by his own rules in a calculating way that’s occasionally upsetting to his friends and alarming to his acquaintances. Admit it: this man is, logically, a Slytherin.

 

Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy – Hufflepuff

 

 

It would be easy to put him in Ravenclaw, but prickly Doctor McCoy was built for Hufflepuff. One of the greatest character dynamics of all time is that of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy – Kirk acts as the fearless leader, second-in-command Spock advocates for logic, and chief medical officer McCoy advocates for kindness. As McCoy himself often exclaims, he is a doctor – one who aggressively defends the helpless and saves every life he can. He’s unwaveringly faithful to his captain, his crew, and his ideals. He may be rough, but any man with enough compassion for everyone in the galaxy would be a good fit in the House of loyalty, hard work, and heart.

 

Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery “Scotty” Scott – Gryffindor

 

 

What of our chief engineer? Facing the toughest situations with unwavering bravado, mouthing off to superior officers, and consistently refusing orders from anyone but his captain… Where else would he go but Gryffindor? Scotty owns up to his mistakes, says what he means, and doesn’t mince words. This is the man who punched a Klingon for calling the Enterprise garbage. I’d certainly call that “brave at heart.”

 

Lt. Nyota Uhura – Ravenclaw

 

 

Who doesn’t adore Lieutenant Uhura? She’s the ideal of a “strong female character” – a hyper-competent, high-achieving woman who is bold and intelligent, but not afraid to be soft and kind. Uhura is one of Starfleet’s top linguists, a skilled musician, a romantic, and a feminist. She knows what she’s doing, and she knows she’s good at it. She always asks the right questions and solves every mystery that’s put in front of her with Ravenclaw-worthy wit.

 

Lt. Hikaru Sulu – Gryffindor

 

 

Lieutenant Sulu is an immovable object – the Enterprise helmsman and combat tactician who fearlessly makes the most of dire situations and cares for a carnivorous plant in his free time. How often does Sulu insult enemies, crewmates, and even commanding officers without blinking? Remember when he terrorized the ship with a fencing foil? Spock said it best: Hikaru Sulu is, “at heart, a swashbuckler out of the 18th century.” He would have a blast wielding the sword of Gryffindor.

 

Ensign Pavel Chekov – Gryffindor

 

 

Pavel Chekov is a simple man. He loves four things: Russia, the Enterprise and her crew, causing mischief, and having a good time. This insolent little punk is willing to start a fight over anything, and we love him for it. When a Klingon insults Kirk, Chekov has to be held back from throwing the first punch – and once the fight starts, he’s right in the middle of it. This kid never backs down. That kind of reckless courage belongs in Gryffindor.

 

Nurse Christine Chapel – Hufflepuff

 

 

Yes, she’s intelligent and capable, but compassion is Christine Chapel’s defining characteristic. Chapel may show some spunk from time to time, but ultimately, she cares deeply for other people, working diligently to treat every patient with care and respect. Everything she does is for the good of others; keeping her crew happy and healthy is always her top priority.

 

Yeoman Janice Rand – Hufflepuff

 

 

Yeoman Rand was intended as Captain Kirk’s love interest and the soft feminine element of the crew. Unfortunately, issues off-screen had the character written out of season two, but her personality still shines through in season one. Most notably, when a young guest on the Enterprise becomes infatuated with her, Janice bears his attention with gentle patience that would make Helga proud.

 

What do you think? Be on the lookout; we’re plotting a course for more Star Trek Sortings!