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A shout from nearby – a screech of cart wheels – then a party of goblins arrived at the point where Joe and Rigel stood. “What happened to the others?” barked a particularly gnarly goblin.

“What was that name again?” asked the goblin behind the teller’s window.

“Dr. Duane Mossy,” said Slavik, in a nearly perfect approximation of an American accent. He twitched his fake mustache and adjusted his fake eyeglasses.

“Where did you get this?” Merlin asked, turning the amulet over in his hands. It was hard, smooth, and heavy like a lump of crystal, but its surface swam and swirled with colors, like quicksilver. It was large as Rigel’s ten-year-old fist, shaped like an egg, but flattened on one side.

““After I fought off all the grindylows,” Sadie went on with her tale, “I swam further upstream with my powerful, tireless stroke. I had to squeeze through a tight gap in a network of curses strung across the fjord. Then, wearing dragon-hide gloves to protect my skin from the hallucinogenic algae, I pushed myself along…”

Actually, what happened was this:

“The job what made my first fortune,” Sadie began her tale, “didn’t come my way till I had been workin’ in the property transferin’ line for several years. I had worked me way up, like, from charmin’ galleons out of the pockets of patrons at Axel Exum’s Exhibition of Muggle Marvels, and sellin’ unlicensed commemorative earmuffs in the neighborhood of any Nasal Drip concert…”

“Sporting memoirs mixed with do-it-yourself guides in this week’s Nonfiction List,” writes Daily Prophet book review editor Cicero Pica. “A tell-all exposé of the professional Quidditch league, a popular look at myths about Muggles, and a photo-essay about the most exotic, protected species of birds in the world were among the variety of subjects treated in the Top Ten Bestsellers.